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What a joy to sit quietly on Zum’s back again! I ask Zum to stand still. I want this moment to sink in so we both relax.

I heard this saying from Texas that I really love. ‘There ain’t no horse that can’t be rode and there ain’t no cowboy that can’t be throwd.’ Yes, Zum bucked me off and it was a very serious accident. But I realize now that it happens to every cowboy. And I can ride Zum again!

I have come to realize that there is no way out of my difficult situation except at the top. Going through this accident has felt like an impossible trial. I still don’t fully understand the meaning of this experience. But I cannot just get through it. I can only win if I rise higher. I must try to get back on top.

I watched a PBS special about horses. I learned two things. One of the things I learned is that horses aim to please. I did not know this and I wonder if this is true? The second thing I learned feels very true: horses just want to feel safe in their environment. I know this is true. Zum only bucks me off when he is in an environment where he feels panic and fear. So my goal with Zum is to keep introducing him to new objects so he builds his confidence. For my safety, I must ride him in safe places so he can feel calm.

Zum has been head shy ever since the neighbor hit him on the head last November 2019. I lift up my hand by his head and I wait. I want to show Zum that my hand won’t hurt him and he doesn’t have to raise his head in fear. After many months of repeating this, Zum keeps his head still and he is rewarded for being brave.

I know that verbal commands are most effective to communicate urgent information like ‘stop’ or ‘back up.’ Zum pays more attention to non-verbal communication like touch.

I want to be Zum’s friend. I am building up my own self-confidence with Zum again so I can be solid when he decides that being my friend is OK with him.

I have always revered the Arabian horse. As my grandmother bred and raised Arabian horses in Colorado, I have been around and ridden Arabian horses since I can remember. I value their extraordinary physical beauty and magnificent spirit. Zum is my daily dose of visual vitamins. He is royalty and he deserves to be treated like a prince. When he is treated less than this, he rebels and resists. I understand Zum.

I know that bucking is a horse’s response to fear or pain. Yelling or hitting a horse after he bucks only reinforces the pain that caused the bucking. I know that Zum’s bucking is very dangerous to me and he can and has hurt me seriously. I could let someone else ride Zum but I have to find a natural horseman who understands that I don’t want Zum to be kicked, whipped or punished. I have watched conventional trainers do this to Zum in the past and this only makes Zum angry and rebellious. Where will I find a natural horseman who could ride Zum?

After I put the saddle on, Zum stands perfectly still as I tighten the cinch. I don’t know whether or not I should get back up on Zum. My right arm is still very weak. Would I be able to handle riding Zum after he hasn’t been ridden for three months? I admit that after he bucked me off, I am afraid that he will buck me off again. I want to get over my fear. How can I do this safely?